single-minded immersion

I’m turning thirty in 377 days. Denise asked me if I have a particular goal. No, the answer is not to do inversions with the grace of Briohny Smyth, although I think this is an amazing example of flow.

I have never set a concrete goal but I used to think that, by the time I turn thirty, I will know who I am and what I want. I now realize that I will never get there but I think I’m getting a little bit closer. When a relationship ends due to differences in long term goals, it is only natural to question those long term goals.

I still feel very strongly about my work. I feel flow at work. Not every moment but most days. I don’t think relationships generate flow in and of themselves. As much as I love my parents, I do not feel flow when I walk with them in the ravine close to their house. But when people have common goals, they can be in flow together. I love hiking with my parents.

Hypothesis

Who I Am: Someone who enjoys single-minded immersion
What I Want: Doing challenging things on my own and with people I like

Now that I have a hypothesis, time to do some testing. Seeing someone who is not super interested in traveling and seeing Chinese tourists running around LA carrying LV bags, I started to question why I love to travel. The answer is actually I don’t love to travel. In and of itself. Will I be upset if I do not visit Taj Mahal before I die? No. I’m happy to learn history from Wikipedia. What I love about traveling is the experience of getting lost and finding my way again. But I get the same experience from writing, which I can do everyday. So my goal for the next 377 days is to explore the here and now. Maybe taking a few days off to write. To practice single-minded immersion. Or inversion.

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