fifth decade

stretched out on my bed in my parents house. staring at the same klimt poster from long ago (girl in white). trying to do a self assessment (it was due last friday but i told hr not possible)

in a way i am always assessing myself. replaying the daily (non) events of my life. trying to recreate the galvanizing moments

at our get together, stephen said: it will be our fifth decade. i looked confused. denise clarified: eighties, nineties, oughties, twenty tens and twenty twentys. i laughed: well denise you certainly have changed since you did not inhale all the desserts by yourself

i was told that i haven’t changed very much. in a way this is true

one: i continue to take pictures of clouds. on my first business trip, sam said: is this your first time on a plane? i think to myself: nop but i strive to be a self indulgent individual

(self indulgent. characterized by doing or tending to do exactly what one wants)

two: i continue to play the piano but not necessarily playing the same songs. this week, mum has requested butterfly lovers as arranged by richard clayderman

(non self indulgent. playing a song on the piano that really should be performed on the erhu)

but the cloud snapping piano playing version of me was insistently attacked by the fear of missing out. different people exhibit different FOMO symptoms and i entered this departing decade with a very specific obsession

the past nine months, I have struggled with the idea of going to Asia to work. I whined about how easy it is for guys to find supportive wives and how hard it is for women to find supportive husbands. I went through a break up. I cried. By now, I have told everybody: no, I’m not going. And I feel okay. Which is really amazing”

what is even more amazing is his declaration that he is interested in moving to hong kong while trying out izipizi sun glasses at kapok. my thought: is this the power of designer eye wear or is he delusional from being dragged around the steamy streets of hong kong a bit too much. my response: if you cannot deal with summer humidity in bermuda


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